Shits and Giggles Friday

I know the day is almost over (by day, I mean the portion of the date where the life is sucked out of me), but I thought of a few Shits and Giggles with which I could grace you all:

SHITS

1. Why doesn't Pandora invent a station wherein you can type a period of time, and it only plays music from said time period?  This needs to be a thing.  I only want to hear music from 1995 through 2004. 

2. My BFF, Party Favor, was supposed to come visit tonight and now she is not.  WAH.

3. I better not encounter any additional stupidity between now and wine o'clock, I'm really not sure how much more I can take.

GIGGLES

1. Beast and I were in the local paper yesterday, complete with our last name spelled incorrectly, with a desciption of us "making yard sale purchases for the new apartment."  HEY - we live in a freaking HOUSE.  Perhaps I just turned this into more of a shit than a giggle.



What up, Beatons.



2.  MY BIRTHDAY IS IN EXACTLY ONE WEEK!  SQUEE!

3.  I have virtually all of the food purchased and organized for when we leave for vacation in EXACTLY ONE WEEK AND ONE DAY!  In the meantime, my laundry room looks like something out of Extreme Couponers.


Ha-hav-haaaa-hap a good week-end, everyone!  (Funny story where that came from...remind me to tell it one day.)

A Simple Equation

   673472 glasses of wine
+ 3/4 of a bag of salt and vinegar chips at 11 PM
   mouth riddled with ulcers + headache + swollen face next morning

Take the solution and multiply it by a comfortable bed, and the final answer is calling in sick to work.  Contrary to what you're all thinking, no, I do not have a degree in mathematics.

One of my BFFs, Wasabi Sauce (pretty sure I've seen her stick a straw in the dish of it), and her boyfriend, Hoo-Rah, came over for dinner Wednesday night and let. me. tell. you.  I made quite possibly the best dinners EVAH.  Since Hoo-Rah has trouble with 'dem 'dere words n'at, here is the evening's yumminess in pictures.


Martha Stewart ain't got NOTHIN' on me.



SRSLY, you guys.  I'm awesome.

VOILA!

Wasabi Sauce made this, at the request of Beast.

After dinner, we sat on the back patio and drank wine and had several immature conversations, most of which had us near tears. 

I leave you with this bit of important advice: Don't drink the snake milk, guys.

HOT.

Why is it all of a sudden 4 million degrees outside?  I love me some summer, but if I'm not near a body of water when it's scorching hot like this, I'm completely miserable.  It took me twice as long to blow dry my hair this morning - hey thanks, humidity.

Speaking of blow dryers, just in case anyone was wondering, they make a fine substitute for an iron.  Instructions below:

1. Run the wrinkly portion of clothing under water.
2. Stretch said clothing over a towel.
3. Blow dry.

Voila!  You're welcome.

Dinner last night was awesome - my mom brought us this fresh apple sausage when she came to visit the other day.  (Side note: bringing groceries to your children is actually something passed down through generations in my family, considering my grandmother gets things for my mother as well.)

Please try to ignore the class oozing out of this picture via the paper plate.

We could actually smell the apple flavor coming out of the sausage when we cut into it.  I didn't put any seasonings on it, but since the last two meals prepared on the grill were my steaks, it picked up all of that yummy goodness.  Totally delish.  And yes, that is cheesy broccoli from a frozen box.  (Again with the class.)  Also on the side are potatoes, grilled in a foil packet with butter and spices.  I sliced those babies paper-thin on my newly-acquired mandolin!

Super fancy with the star-shaped ice cubes - thanks, Wal-Mart.

Tonight, we have a volleyball game in the 98734562-degree weather, so that should be really fun.  I wouldn't expect much in the way of dinner pictures since we'll probably just be having ice water and popsicles.  And beer.

Monday, I Hate You

I can't even begin to tell you how much I loathe Monday, specifically in the summer months.  I've been having some pretty awesome weekends lately, and this past one was no exception.

Friday, I decided I couldn't bear the thought of a full 7.5-hour day, so I left an hour early.  I needed to stop at the store, and I hate having to do that after 5:00.  I made the cilantro-lime-sriracha chicken skewers and they turned out SO good. 

Anything on a stick is ten times tastier.

I was a good girl and only had 3 drinks all night, since my mom was coming Saturday morning afternoon (okay, it was only a few minutes after 12).  Her BFF/my "aunt" Cindy came along, and it was nice to relax on the patio with a few beers in the sunshine.  AND since food is always the main focal point of any gathering, after a quick trip to the Outlets, I grilled the shit out of some steaks.  My mom also brought some produce from a local farm and made a great salad to go along with it.


They left around 4, so I went over to my out-laws (my sister-in-law's parents' house - her dad dubbed me his daughter-out-law, since I'm not technically his daughter-in-law and we decided we needed a title for each other).  Beast and Crazy Pants were already there, and we basically commenced our regularly scheduled summertime weekend activities which includes lots of swimming, eating, and drinking.


I can assure you that I was not feeling very luxurious Sunday morning.

Sunday afternoon was a repeat of Saturday, only with less vodka.  Beast had to work for most of the day, which totally sucked, but somebody's gotta make that paper...dolla dolla bills, y'all.

Shits and Giggles Friday

I'm a big fan of lists.  I make lists for everything.  I have a checklist template for every type of trip we've ever taken saved on my computer, I have a checklist app on my iPhone, and basically it's just my OCD way of keeping my shit together.

Therefore, every Friday, I will present you with TWO lists:

Shits - things that irritate me, things I hate (spoiler alert: it's people), and any other annoying thing that is currently happening.

Giggles - the exact opposite, obvi.

You get the point.  These lists will sometimes be short, and maybe I won't always have anything shitty to list (unlikely), but I will try and keep it consistent and post one each week.

SHITS

1. Last night, our neighbors just pointed out where our property line is, in the backyard.  Summary of the conversation: we don't have a backyard.

2. I have zero desire to be at work today.  It's going to be gorgeous outside, and I would love to lay in my back front yard all day!  Expect this to be a recurring item on the Shits List.

3.  There's been a smushed, dead deer on the road that I've driven past every day this week.  I just realized today that it's now missing its legs, apparently they've been hacked off by a passing vehicle.  Gross.

GIGGLES

1. OH LAWD JESUS, WE HAVE HOT WATER!  I finally took a hot shower last night - AND this morning, just because I could.

2. My mom is coming to visit this weekend, yay!  It makes me super happy to be able to hang out with her without any distractions (read: siblings) and we can just sit around, bitch about everything, and have a glass of wine or five.

3. Also, another exciting individual that will be at our home this weekend is Crazy Pants (Beast's daughter/my stepdaughter)!  She's been on vacation for the past week, and she hasn't seen the new house yet.  I can't wait for her to see her new room - she was overjoyed about the fact that we have stairs, so I'm pretty sure it won't take much to put a smile on her face when she walks into her bedroom.

4. I jammed out to some old school Julie Roberts on the way to work today; I love listening to music from years past, it really makes me happy.  Today's music is mostly garbage (with the exception of Mumf; love me some Mumf).  Probably 90% of the time, I listen to the 90s station on Sirius, or another awesome throwback Pandora station, One Headlight (thanks to Kelly for the tip on that one).

5. On my elevator ride to work today, an old man said good morning to me, and I responded with a standard, "Good morning, how are you?"  He replied that he was doing "extra great" today, and that today was his last day, after almost 30 years of service.  I dream about the day I can say that to some young whippersnapper in the elevator on a Friday.



My burgers were great last night, as per the usual.  There may or may not be spinach artichoke dip slathered on my bun.


I've been trying for 10 minutes to rotate this stupid picture to no avail. It still looks delicious, though, right?

 I'm trying two new recipes tonight for dinner: chicken skewers and roasted brussels sprouts.  I'll work on my picture posting skills and hopefully you won't need to see a chiropractor after looking at them.

Disclaimer: You May Gain 5 Pounds While Reading This

So, at lunch today, THIS happened:

Deep-fried heaven wrapped in styrofoam.

I recently discovered a newbie food truck that calls downtown Harrisburg its home, and it's absolutely amazing.  The Chicken Truck offers, um, chicken (just in case you weren't sure) along with a few other deep-fried items such as pickles, mushrooms, fries, and onion rings.  I'm basically BFFs with the owner now (what up, Joey), and I can't get enough of this place.  The only thing I have yet to try are the onion rings, but everything else has been perfectly fried and perfectly seasoned. 

I'm setting my alarm now for the gym in the morning...

Drivin' on the Edge of Danger

Over the past few mornings, I've come to the realization that my new commute to work is quite dangerous.  Not dangerous in that scared-someone-might-pop-a-cap-in-my-ass way (although having to drive down 17th Street in the city can be a little dicey), but dangerous in the sense that I now pass the following establishments each and every morning:

• Dunkin Donuts
• Sheetz
• McDonald's
• Panera

I can't even tell you how much I. LOVE. PANERA.  I've already decided that I'm stopping there for breakfast tomorrow morning (payday, bitches!).  Also, I'm probably going to need to take up a second job in order to keep up with my newly acquired DD iced coffee addiction.  Pretty positive the main ingredient is crack, but hey, at $2.64 for a medium, I feel like that's a steal.

So my friend, Kelly, came over last night and can I just tell you how awesome it is to have guests over to my house and not be completely embarrassed of where I live?  It was so nice to sit on the patio (again) with great food (prepared by moi, of course), great wine (Kelly brought over a pinot noir by Mark West - along with her own personal no-headache-in-the-morning guarantee), and a great friend.  I'm fighting the urge to use a smiley face, as I'm trying my hardest to act like a real writer here.



Oh, hey, LOOK!  I remembered to take a picture!

Loving the way the salsa is glistening in the sun.  Totally tried that.

The spinach and artichoke dip was bangin' - probably the best I've ever had, seriously.  I cut the recipe in half, which was perfect for two people, plus enough leftover for Beast to scrape the mini-crock-pot clean.

Every time I make salsa, people rave about it.  I laugh at people when they say how great it is (probably because I'm an asshole), since it's mostly canned ingredients and stuff you already have in your pantry.

1-28 oz. can diced tomatoes
1 teeny tiny can of diced green chiles
1/4 of a small yellow onion
2-3 garlic cloves
1 shit ton of cilantro (very precise measurement)
1 serrano pepper (if you like it less spicy, use a jalapeno and remove the seeds)
1 T lemon juice
1 T vinegar (I use different kinds, this time I used balsamic because I already had it out for the tomatoes)
1 t cumin
salt and pepper

Put all of these ingredients (except the tomatoes) into a blender, or if you're cool like me, you have one of these bad boys, which works even better.  Pulse until everything is pretty finely chopped, then add the tomatoes and pulse 5 or 6 times, until it's the consistency you like.



Tonight, we have a volleyball game right after work, so after that, we're having burgers on the grill (fancy), and a salad (super fancy).  My burgers are the best burgers you'll ever eat, so since I'm kind of a big deal, I'll have a picture and ingredient list for you tomorrow! 

Moving Doesn't Totally Suck

This past weekend, we moved from a cramped apartment to a fairly spacious house.  While everything has been mostly amazeballs throughout the entire move, there's one tiny thing that has SUCKED: the water heater is broken, thus, we have been taking ice cold showers since last Friday.  It doesn't sound that bad on paper; but, give it a try tomorrow morning when you're getting ready for work, and let me know how you feel afterwards.  K?  Thankfully, they're coming to either fix it or replace it tomorrow morning.  I'm thinking about making dinner in the shower, a la Cosmo Kramer, just because I'll finally be warm and spend more than five minutes in there.

One huge positive is now that we're in a bigger place with a bigger kitchen, and more space to move freely about without playing ass tag with each other, I'm able to prepare meals SO much easier.  I made our first "real" meal in our new house last night!  While I failed to take a picture of it, I can tell you that it tasted extra yummy since we ate it on our back patio, with only the sounds of birds and the occasional passing car in the background.  Not three different languages being heard from our "ethnic" neighbors, no tiny ankle-biter dogs barking, and the best part?  The smell of Marlboro Reds wafting through the air was non-existent.  To us, these things are major victories and make us even happier to have moved out of our stank ass apartment complex.

Tonight after work, I'm entertaining my first guest for some snacky snacks (a term you'll hear frequently, coined by my brother-in-law during a game of Scattegories) and wine, which makes me super happy.  I just wish I didn't have to work all day, then go home and get our appetizers ready.  I keep telling my husband I should be a stay-at-home wife, because damn, I could drink the shit out of some pinot grigio at 2 in the afternoon while making fancy food. 

I've decided I'm going to close out each post with pictures, recipes, etc. (basically food porn), so here it is!

I promise I'll capture the awesomeness of my creations on film tonight and make you drool in the morning.  But for now, I CAN at least give you the rundown and recipes of dinner last night.

Boneless pork chops, roasted asparagus, and teriyaki rice
I marinated the pork chops (buy one pack, get one free at Weis - SCORE!) in basic bottled Ken's teryaki marinade all day, and seasoned the chops with garlic powder and fresh ground black pepper.  I threw them on the grill for about 5 minutes per side, and they were absolutely perf.

If you've never roasted vegetables this way, I demand that you make it happen for your next meal.  I tossed the asparagus with olive oil, salt, pepper, and crushed garlic cloves, then baked it at 375 for about 15 minutes.  That's it.  BOOM, flavor explosion in your mouth.

My husband insisted that we own a rice cooker (he's half Filipino and therefore, he could eat rice with his breakfast), so that's how I cooked the plain, white rice.  BUT I found a recipe for restaurant teryaki sauce, and made that to go over the rice, or dip the pork chops in, or do shots of.  Whatever we felt like doing at the dinner table.  The original recipe was a little sweet, so I had to add some more soy sauce, and also threw in a couple squirts of hoisin sauce.  I think next time, I'll use less brown sugar, and probably cut the recipe in half if it's just the two of us.

Tonight's Menu: hot spinach and artichoke dip with pita chips and crostinis, tomatoes with fresh mozzarella and basil with a balsamic reduction, and fresh salsa that's hanging out in my fridge all day, with the flavors and ingredients marrying together harmoniously.  Yum!

What Am I Doing?

At the advice of a blogger whom I just started following recently, I'm starting a blog.  Really.

Allow me to introduce myself:  I'm a girl in her late-ish-twenties, living in the the sweetest place on earth with my husband [let's call him Beast; you're welcome, babe], our cat, and a part-time tween stepdaughter.  I have the same job as 80,000 other Pennsylvanians, and am more than okay with having a low-stress occupation that I leave in my office at 5:00 every day.

I like food.  A LOT.  Because of my love for the eats, I am a pretty good cook, and really enjoy doing it.  Something about the way a friend or family member looks at you with a mouthful of deliciousness that YOU prepared...it really just melts my heart and makes me feel damn good about myself and my mad skillz, yo.

As noted by the title of this blog, I definitely appreciate a bottle glass of wine or a good craft beer whilst I'm slaving away at the stove or the grill.  I really feel like a little booze makes the whole meal come together.

While my life is by no means fascinating, I do feel as though I can contribute to your morning-coffee-drinking-and-blog-reading experience with a little humor, a couple recipes, and some entertaining stories about the shit-shows that are my weekends most of the time.  Oh, I'm also going to swear.  Sorry, Mom.